I love this statement. There is always Kung Fu, even if there is not a formal class to attend. This statement to me does not only mean the physical aspect of this martial art.
I do my best to live as a Black Belt everyday, every minute. Respect, empathy, honesty in every interaction. No, I am not a Black Belt, but that does not mean I cannot do my best to live my life as one would. Today, I had an interaction with a long time client who made me realize that I faltered in living this way.
Now, I’m obviously not going to share any personal information, but I will explain the situation as best I can. I have had a relationship with these clients for several years, and therefore have been through many life situations with them. Because of this, we are very comfortable with each other, and know each other very well.
A few months ago, they came to me with a situation they were looking for a solution to. We had a good discussion, spoke about possible resolutions and outcomes. I also further went on to discuss the future, once past this current situation. Some time went by, and I hadn’t heard back from them, so I followed up to check in, and see if they wanted to proceed with anything. The answer I received back was that it was taken care of. I left it at that, and felt if they had questions or wanted to proceed , they would let me know.
Today, I returned a call back to them, and found out a very different situation had progressed without me knowing, or noticing. She proceeded to tell me that the last time we spoke, she felt I was lecturing, and not helping. Therefore making their rough situation worse. They decided to go and see someone else to help them. I felt awful. I thought back to the original conversation, and still couldn’t quite figure out where it went wrong. Through the discussion it became clear. I was not being very empathic, and trying to jump ahead to how this situation could be avoided in the future, instead of providing empathy and guidance for the current situation. This in turn made them feel at fault in what was happening, and made them feel worse.
I immediately apologized for my insensitivity , and advised it was not at all my intention. We spoke for quite a while, and she said she knew that it was not my intention, but I still made her feel that way.
Unfortunately the other person that helped them did not work out very well either, and she did call me to see if I could now help this situation. This she stated, is because of our history and long time relationship.
This really made me realize that even with our best intentions, it may not be as receptive as we may think. I need to put myself in their shoes, and not worry about next steps so quickly, but rather try to help resolve what is happening now. I did not provide the empathy needed based on our history together. The original situation was not being a black belt, but owning up to my mistakes, and facing the situation today, I feel is the way a black belt would. I am human, I make mistakes, and will continue to. Being a black belt is learning and growing from those mistakes. Although I am not happy that the original situation happened, I am happy that this client called me today, and we were able to resolve the not so good situation, and…. Move forward. People need different things at different times. Certain situations may cause different reactions. I need to be better, and remove assumptions. Learning and growing, always.
