Relief or Panic

 Well to be honest, a little of both actually. The Date looms. The date is set for grading. Am I prepared, has my year gone as planned? 

Of course it hasn’t gone as planned, but I think it rarely does. I think what is important is how I’ve dealt with it this year. Instead of panicking about what wasn’t going as planned, I chose to adjust, and reevaluate. I don’t know why I had the expectation of it being any different, as that is what life is about. Did I do everything right, or as exactly as I had planned to get it done? No. Some things cannot be foreseen, or planned for. Injury, sickness, family, work and countless other things that I didn’t expect of course.

I’ve had to adjust to what life threw at me. I don’t always choose the best way to do that, but I do my best to learn from my mistakes. And sometimes it takes a few tries to get on the right path again. But I always work to get back on that path. 

One of the plans this year was to not miss a week of blogging. Failed. Although, it has been a better year than my past years, excuses came up. Yes, excuses is exactly what they were. I could have found 10 minutes here and there to do it. So, no excuse, a fail. Reevaluate, and do better. Content of my blogs is another area I am struggling greatly with. I don’t know how to change how to put in words what I am feeling, and how to express where I am at. Reevaluate and continue to work at it. 

Relief may not be the right word. When I joined Kung Fu, it didn’t even cross my mind that I would even be worried about a grading for my black belt day, and yet, here I am. This has been a journey, and the journey will continue as long as I am able. There will always be adjustments, failures, and evaluation. There will also be positives, wins, and there will always be something for me to learn. 

Grading day is another opportunity, no matter what the day brings. 100% is my expectation, nothing less.