Hard Realization

Last Saturday at open training it ended up to be a real eye opener for me. I learned a hard lesson, when I didn't even realize there was a lesson to be learned. I will get back to this, and hopefully it will makes sense.

Last year when I joined the I Ho Chuan team for the first time, it was a new experience, exciting, and daunting all at the same time. I am not great in front of a crowd, so it also took me out of my comfort zone. I worked very hard on learning a brand new (to me) weapon form, and wanted to 'perfect' a school hand form. I was proud of my accomplishment in learning the new form, and how great the hand form came along. It really taught me the value of repetition, and how important it is. My reasoning at the time to work so hard, was to not make a fool of myself in front of a crowd. Whether it be my team mates, my classmates, and school, or especially a crowd of strangers. Unexpectedly, it actually taught me so much more. In the end, I realized I wasn't doing it for anybody else, I did it for me, to become a better me. Master Brinker is always saying repetition, repetition, repetition, among many other lessons of course, but it really comes down to one thing - Mastery. And mastery will come with repetition at the base. Now, I do know this is a small part of Mastery, but still a part of it.

In working so hard, and putting most of my time towards these 2 forms last year, I learned a hard lesson at the end of the year, and it was really cemented last Saturday. At the end of last year I realized that I had let most of my other forms that I had learned, slide. This bothered me, and I vowed to practice not just the forms I chose to do this year, but all my forms. I made this one of my personal requirements as well.

Last Saturday, I went to help out another team mate on the form they had chosen this year, and I completely blanked. It was a slap in my own face, and really made me realize the importance of a whole. Now what I mean by this is you can focus on a part, but it is only that, a part. I need to keep the focus on the whole, and I did not do that last year. I know I felt the affects at the end of last year, but this really made me realize the damage I had caused to myself, and my training.And it fells like a  backwards step in my journey to Mastery.

Now, I do realize that I know this form, and only need to run through it a few times to remember it, but, I also know that my technique will be far below where it should be, and therefore, will be starting from scratch.

Previous to joining I Ho Chaun, I realize now, that I had left my training up to my instructors, and my classes, for the most part. When I practiced outside of class, it was usually practicing what we had worked on that week. And week to week, we would learn different things, new forms, new techniques, and that is what I focused on. Now don't get me wrong, I knew, and know it is up to me on what I get out of everything, and thought I was soaking it all up, but realize now, I feel like I was coasting, and not really soaking up all that I was given the opportunity to. This has bothered me greatly in the last week, but I also think it is a fantastic thing. For if we can not get a lesson from everything we do, including learning from our own mistakes, than why are we doing this? I have my answer, and look forward to the continued journey it will take me on.

This is up to nobody but me, what a hard realization I have learned.

See you all on the mats - pushing up, and pushing on.