Hitting a Wall

 It's been a couple of weeks. Not intentional, and really not even realizing. Time. It always seems to be working against me. 

I hit a wall this past week. I'm exhausted, and my body finally said enough. I had flu like symptoms, sick to my stomach, dizziness, and nausea. Put me down good, for a couple of days. I even slept for pretty much 17 hours, with only a couple hours of being awake in between. This should tell me something, right? I can't do it all. Yes, I've been warned, I've been told, I've even told myself. But yet, here I was. I did get a Covid test to be safe, as when the vomiting started, it did check off a box. It did come back negative. 

For weeks now, I have been running on sheer auto pilot. Kung Fu training, 10 hour work days, 2-3 hour hospital visits. Small snack before bed, and then repeat. I need to re-evaluate, and not think I can do it all, without consequence. This is loud and clear. 

We talked about arbitrary deadlines in our Brown Belt meeting. These deadlines we set for ourselves, like they weren't there before. This being the year I hope to test for my Black Belt, yes, that deadline is there. Or is it? It could be in 5 months, or it could be in 17 months, or even in 29 months. My journey to Mastery will not stop at this 'deadline', but rather flourish; and I need to grow and learn along the way. Always an opportunity in every situation. Especially in ones like these.

Being a Black Belt is how we navigate, and grow in Mastery. Part of that, I think, is how we handle life, and ourselves. More so when situations are thrown at us that are out of our control. Which also means, we don't have to do it all ourselves. But sometimes, there is nobody else to do it for us. So how do we navigate that? Smarter than what I have doing, it seems. The important thing is to recognize, analyze, and reconfigure to make it work. And be healthy in doing it. 

Update on my mom - she is doing very well (as the doctor put it, but I think we have different ideas of that), so she is being moved to a long term care facility most likely next week. This means more travel time, and me having to reevaluate. She is basically in a semi induced coma, as she doesn't really wake up anymore, or open her eyes. But, she is still eating some pudding and ice cream at meal times, and very small amounts of fluid. I guess she isn't as ready as everyone thought. So I sit with her, and talk to her, and hope she knows I am there. 

I'm very excited about being back in the Kwoon again tomorrow, and able to see everyone in person! My true hope is that this will be permanent, and this time next year, this will all have seemed so far in the past.