Like a Hurricane

The eye of the hurricane - December 3rd. The wind, the rain, the waves - my mind. 

That is how I’m feeling these last few days, like my mind is a hurricane. 

Everything running through my mind at warp speed, and stressing about how I will remember it all. Almost nine years of training, knowledge, and information. It’s feeling overwhelming. 

Up until recently, I’ve felt like I’ve kept the nerves at bay. And then the waves started crashing in. Fast and Furios. 

At this point, my physical abilities are not going to change. I will give 100% and that is all I can do. 

It is everything else stressing me out at the moment. What did I forget, what don’t I know? How much can I retain of what I’ve learned?

December 4th will come, and my journey will continue. First I need to get through December 3rd. And I will.

Three Times, Not a Charm

 Since having covid at the end of April this year, I have been ill 3 times. I’ve had the flu, the stomach flu, and now this cold/chest virus, that has now manifested into a laryngitis type nuisance. All of the later non covid, but frustrating none the less. I don’t know if one has to do with the others, but in the previous 10 years, maybe even 15, I can count on less than one hand how many times I was sick.

Although my habits have not changed all that much, I am an avid hand washer - 25 years of being a server ingrained that in me. I use my hand sanitizer frequently, and Lysol wipes are always on hand. And still, here I am again. I’m running with a theory that the bubble will eventually pop. Maybe too many of us are now dropping the ball in thinking covid is behind us, when in reality, we are in a new world now. It may not be covid, but many strains and viruses are rearing their ugly heads. 

If I’m sounding bitter, or a little angry, it’s because I am. Frustrated to say the least. Not at anyone in particular, not necessarily at myself. Just in general at the moment. 

At a time when my training should be at a peak, my energy is at a low. To be clear, I say at A peak, not The peak. Everyone’s training will always have peaks and valleys as we are always changing. I never really want to be at The peak, as that would mean there is no further progress to be had. There will always be progress to strive for. Life will always throw a curveball needing navigating. But with grading 2 weeks away, I’m feeling stressed about this latest sickness. I don’t have time to be ill right now. I need the energy to be at a peak. In that being said, I know, tough nuggets girl. Deal with it. 

I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel. I’m training, but just spinning. No progress felt. I’m going through the motions, trying to be mindful, but not feeling it. There is not a lot of power, little energy, and frustration setting in. Not a great place to be, with a deadline 2 weeks away. Yes, this a deadline for this year, but not for my kung fu. If Dec 3rd comes, and goes without me successfully grading, Dec 4th is still the same day either way. The day I continue my journey no matter what level I am at. 

Stay healthy everyone. 

Snapshot in Time

 A single blog is a snapshot in time. 

Consistently blogging provides the journey, tells the story. 

I’ve been reading through my blogs from over the last few years. I see and feel the ups and the downs. I know where I was at when I wrote the blog. 

I believe this is one of the greatest tools we have to keep us engaged, and to provide feedback to ourselves. We are hardest on ourselves, and by blogging about it we can see our progression. 

Just some thoughts going through my head tonight.

From COVID to the Kwoon

 One of the topics we discussed in our Saturday class was about training at home. Most of us are fortunate to be back in the Kwoon to train, but some are still training at home. Training and learning at home can be a struggle. Space is generally the biggest thing to adjust to. 

It was about 2 weeks (as best that I recall) after I earned my second degree brown belt, that classes went online due to covid. At the time of earning my second degree, Lao Gar was a form that was only taught to second degree brown belts, and was taught by another second degree student versus learning in class. This proved to be a conundrum for me, as I was now online, and didn’t have a lot of access to other second degree brown belts. Fortunately for me, my boys had learned most of the form, so they were a large part in my learning this form. With one on ones, navigating videos online, and adjusting to the space I had, I learned Lao Gar. 

Once the Kwoon was open again, I eagerly returned with a new form under my belt. Well, not as great as I thought. One thing I realized going from COVID lock down to back to the Kwoon was how I needed to ‘cacoon’ my forms due to space. The forms I knew before online classes were easier to get back to true form. But Lao Gar was a different story. I still struggle with not adding extra steps to allow for room. Shuffle this way, slide back that way. No walls or furniture in my way at the Kwoon, but muscle memory and auto pilot in the brain is still something I need to to be constantly aware of. If I get distracted, I revert to the ‘living room’ form. 

Eye for detail is so very important, and when something needs to be relearned in a way, it becomes crystal clear as to how important it is. A constant awareness, and mindfulness of every move, and every technique is a must.