Mother Earth

 As another celebratory 'Earth Day' has come and gone, I have been reflecting on the ways that I try to make this world a better place. I say come and gone, but really it is never gone, it is always.                Earth Day is Every minute, of Every hour of Every Day. 

We as a family have many practices in place to try to reduce waste. Recycling paper, plastic and cardboard is one, and I am proud to say that we have 1 bag of this about every 3 to 4 weeks; as we are able to find better ways to reuse more; as well as simply being more away of what we consume. We recycle electronics, batteries, tires, clothes, among other items. Often we are able to find a way to repurpose or reuse these items as well. I am always looking for repurpose tips and tricks. Composting, to feed the earth back what it has provided. 

Planting trees, flowers, and grass. We also do our best to have a purpose in what we plant. Food for ourselves, I will be planting a vegetable garden again this year, and am quite excited about that, as I have been unable to for a few years, due to not enough garden room. We plant trees, and shrubs that help our ecosystem, and promote food for butterflies and bees. We have fruit trees, and a maple tree (which we hope to one day be able to tap as well).

Picking up garbage is another way I try to contribute. Sadly, I never have to look too far for this, and am able to accomplish this everyday. For Earth Day we did a community clean up, as we do several times a year, or when out walking the dog.

We built a cedar fence, and Eco station (the birds love the cedar), and repurposed the leftover bits and pieces to build a flower pot. There are many things, big and small that we can all do to make a difference. 

I read an obituary today of a colleague's mom that recently passed away. In it was proudly stated that she lived her life with a purpose of leaving this earth a better place than when she came into it. My wish is that when my time is done on this earth, I can also be remembered as someone who lived their life this way. 

Happy Earth everyone!

Self Reflection

I have been self reflecting a lot lately. I am trying to find the positives, and ways to turn the negatives around. This is something I always try to work on, but it has been more of an external, and internal struggle as of late. Part of grading for a black belt, is not only a lot of self reflection, but to write it down and share it. This is the hard part. 

What makes me a black belt? What are my strengths, my weaknesses? When needing to read a book, answer questions, write an essay, an exercise that is laid out for me; that is the easy stuff. Reflect, externalize, explain, that is the hard part. I don't expect it to be easy, but I didn't realize I would struggle this much. 

This is something I should be doing, everyday, and in every situation, but do I? Do I actually learn from my mistakes, do I take advantage of every opportunity presented? These are questions I have been asking myself for years, but do I pay attention, and ask at the right times? I do not think this is a negative, but rather the opposite. I am human, I am not perfect. I like to learn, I want to be better. I want to better for me, and for those around me. 

A struggle, but also an opportunity. A learning curve, but also part of my journey. 

Lockdown 3

 Hmm, 3 seems to be my number lately.... anyway, we are in the midst of lock down number 3. I can definitely say that I was more mentally prepared for this one. I knew, based on the current world, and this countries situation, that it wouldn't be long. Sadly and gratefully, it is an easy transition now. A few things moved around, and we are set up for our virtual classes. 

One of the things we talked about this week was having your training space, and making your own 'kwoon', and I think this is very important, and something we do have at home. We train both in our living room for the space for virtual classes, and our basement for our kicks, and workouts. We also have a room in our basement which is our 'alter' if you will. It has everything we need for it to be our kwoon. All of our belts hang on a rack that Don made for that specific reason. The window shade is our old kung fu shirts, and we even have some mementos from the kwoon itself, from some of Master Brinker's spring cleaning. It is home, and it is our kwoon. Yes, we can use mostly any space to train in, and can be anywhere, and it is important to recognize, and maintain this to have a successful journey. 

Another challenge that has come up is a no sugar challenge for most of the month of April. This first week has been both unsuccessful, and successful. Unsuccessful in the sense that no sugar is almost impossible in life. There is even sugar in milk!! I feel that is has been successful, as it has made me extremely aware of what I am eating and drinking. I have taken away my coffee creamer, which I think has been the hardest, as well as no regular dessert. We did have carrot cake one day. I have only had 2 days this week that I have had more than 10 grams of sugar. I am now looking at the sugars in everything I am eating and drinking, and I am pretty happy with that. I was also doing some research on a 'normal' amount of daily sugar intake, and the consensus seems to be about 25 grams. So if you consider any drinks, sauces, condiments, and any prepared foods that we consume, I am pretty happy with 10 or less. I will continue on this journey of watching my intake of sugars, and everything else not healthy for me past the month of April, and am quite excited about it. Thank you Miss Ward for the challenge. 

Update on my mom - I received a call late Friday night that she was out of isolation, and I could visit again. Her shingles are healing nicely, but unfortunately her delirium has not changed. We are waiting on a referral to a long term facility to see if they can adjust medication to help this, and hopefully get her back to her current facility. Unfortunately, an hour before my visit yesterday morning, I received another call stating that the hospital has a suspected case of Covid, and they are on lock down, visitations cancelled. And then this afternoon, shortly after we started our kicks for the day, the hospital was calling again. This thankfully, a mistaken identity call. The doctor stated that she was calling to inform me that visitation has been approved for end of life. She stated that my mom was declining rapidly. After the initial shock, and listening to her describe a few more things, I questioned who she was referring to. She then realized she had called the wrong Debbie. Although thankful, I was still sad, as someone else was to get this call today. I was not angry, as mistakes do happen, we are human. Even the superhuman doctors are human. I actually felt an almost overwhelming amount of empathy for this doctor, and all of the doctors, nurses and healthcare staff in today's world. I cannot image the feelings they have to deal with every single day, and try to cope with everything and everyone in this pandemic. She felt horrible, and extremely apologetic for the mix up, but I think I felt worse for her. Hopefully soon I will be able to visit again, and until then I will continue to call in a couple of times a day for a check in. 

Thanks for reading, see you all on the screen.

Episode 3

 As I had said previously, I had taken some holiday time off of work last week, with one major goal. To read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I achieved my goal, and quite enjoyed the 'ride' along the way. This has prompted me to write a little Chautauqua of my own. Not so much for entertainment value, but to tell a bit of my story over the last week. 

I will go back a bit and start with Episode 1. This was in the fall of 2014. It started with a bad flu. After several days, finally an agreement to go to the hospital. Once at the hospital, a quick check over, and a discharge. The next day another trip to the ER, with the same result. Finally on day 3, an admittance to the ER for further tests. It was found that many levels were dangerously low, the most dangerous being the potassium level - registering at 2.1. Normal is 2.6 to 5.2, with under 2.5 being life threatening. Some medication immediately given, and hopefully a start to feeling better. Then the next day brought a stroke. A minor bleed, but a stroke nonetheless. This, combined with trying to get everything else regulated got an admittance to acute care for several weeks. Finally after 6 weeks, time to get discharged and back home. Shortly after this, maybe a month or two, signs started to show of the disease. After doctor appointments it was confirmed in early stages, and advice given to find an apartment to move into for self sufficient living. This would make is easier for placement when the time came. So that is exactly what happened next. 

Episode 2 - a year and a half later. Delirium, refusal of medication, no sleep, not eating or drinking, and hallucinations. This was an immediate trip to the ER, and also the last time at the apartment. Once again levels were found to be very low, but the real answer to this was an infection. Apparently with this disease, an infection exacerbates because of this disease in a big way. I might add that this came on within a day and a half. After 2 and half months in acute care, medications finally lessening symptoms, the decision was handed down that placement had to made to a care facility. 5 months later, a placement was found. Not one of the ones chosen, but the first to come up, and after 7 and half months in acute care there was no choice but to take it. 

Episode 3, which is currently in the midst. Again, refusal of medication, delirium and hallucinations. Added now terrified screaming when anyone comes near. An ambulance to the hospital. Not a great time at any given time, but especially in the middle of a pandemic. Communication breakdown, and told that only a chest x-ray needed for a cough. Nothing there, ambulance back to the care facility. Next morning the same is happening, only worse. Back in the ambulance to the hospital. Again, communication foregone. Why? Nothing wrong. A call from one doctor to another, and finally something starts to happen, and some tests are given. Another infection. As was what was first thought at the care facility. After 3 days of back and forth, admittance to acute care, and a doctor that communicates. 

The disease I speak of is dementia. The person I write this story about, is my mom. To say this last week has been frustrating and exhausting is a bit of an understatement. I understand that people are worn down, it has been a heck of a long year. But where is the compassion, the empathy? I did not see or feel any of that this week, and it made it harder. This is a person that not only does not mentally understand what is happening, nor can communicate what is wrong, but is also not legally able to make decisions. And yet I, as the daughter am being asked what do you want us to do? My reply several times was that I was not a doctor, and did not have the answer. After 7 days, 2 negative Covid tests, visitor approval process completed, I was allowed to see my mom. So I spent some time last night, with a little bit of chatter in between the delirium and hallucinations. It is not easy, but it is accepted. The visit did us both good I believe. But then an hour after I arrived home from the hospital I received a phone call that they believed she now has shingles, and has been moved to isolation. And of course visitation revoked. I just have to deal with calling in a couple of times a day for a check in on progress, and see how she is doing. 

I write this story as a bit of a timeline for myself. Of course there were many situations, and episodes in between these 3, but these are the major ones. These are the ones that I believe have changed the path. This disease is incurable, with  no medications to prevent, or really even to hold off. It seems as every major episode occurs, the disease takes more of a hold on a once vibrant, outgoing, happy person. 

When I started writing this blog earlier in the week, I didn't really see the connection to kung fu. And then something was brought up at our I Ho Chuan meeting, and an aha moment appeared. I do believe this tells a story of my kung fu as well. If not for my training, my instructors, my team, and my school, I do not believe I would have handled this in the way I did. I was not happy, but never disrespectful, and with understanding, the week and events unfolded. My reaction, and the way I handled everything this week was much different to the way I believe I would have 8 years ago. 

Now to see what now unfolds in the life of dementia. Thanks for reading, take care of yourself and your loved ones. Give them a hug everyday.