Deflated

 I am feeling somewhat deflated at the moment. It is always hard to hear how you have failed, especially when you have worked so hard (or thought you did) to accomplish something. 

In saying that, I feel somewhat better than I did last night. I considered not blogging about this, but it is part of my journey, so I need to be able to reflect on this in the future. I can’t do that if I don’t have a reference, so here it is in my blog. 

This weekend was our first preliminary black belt fitness test. Simply put - I failed, badly. At the moment, I am reflecting on that. What caused me to do so badly, and what can I do differently for next time?

Yes, next time. There is no Quit. 

Did Quit come to mind last night? Briefly. Is that an option for me? NO. Why? That is not who I am, and it is not what I committed to. I have used the excuse of too busy, too tired, not enough time. Where did that get me? Fail. What am I going to do about it? Not fail again. How? Utilize the tools that are provided for me. Utilize the people that want to see me succeed. These sound easy right? So why did I fail in the first place? It was very evident that I was not utilizing to my full potential. It is also very evident that as much as I think I can do this on my own, I cannot. Lesson learned. The hard way. 

It is time to reset. Time to reevaluate. Time to deep dive into What am I doing? Where am I? It is past time. That is on me. So is where I go from here. Reset. 

Although this past weekend was a fail in some ways, it also provided great wins. I have immense gratitude for those that provided their valuable insights. A wealth of knowledge, and experience to help me move forward. Positively progress. I am nowhere near where I need to be, and that is such valuable information. Thank you.

It is never easy to fail. It is a blow to the ego. Am I on a path to Mastery? Remove the ego. I am grateful for everything this past weekend provided me.