Overcapacitated and Treading Water.
It is very apparent where I am at/have been with my training. I have blogged about this in past blogs. The start of the Chinese New Year for me very shortly after always becomes a very busy time of year for me, which continues for several months. I go into RSP season, and jump right into Real Estate season right after. As I get older, my capacity for everything is changing both mentally and physically, becoming less.
While I realize that my job can be done by anyone, and the Corporate world is a beast, it is still a must for me. The income I bring home from said job is an important part of sustaining our daily life today and for our retirement financial health in the ever increasing nearing future it seems. So the long hours and everything I do is not negotiable. I am proud of the work I do, the people I help, and firmly believe I do make a difference for the better. But it can be exhausting. This past week especially so, as I am covering for two people, one of which is about the same capacity as myself, so my week was working at the capacity of 2.5 positions.
I’ve recently received a promotion as well. While it is a new job title, it is essentially what I already do. Some restructuring for positions, and some further expectations. I now need to take some specific courses which will take approximately 90 hours to complete, which will provide some fancy letters after my name. Again, what I am already doing, but will have accreditation for doing it. The timeline to get this completed is good, but will be on my own time as there is no capacity in my workday. A plan is in place. This new role change is supposed to allow time for my role specific duties, and alleviate some of the other stuff, and provide time in the community. Only time will tell.
My family is very understanding of the time that is spent doing my job, and the extra hours that are sometimes needed to be put in. My family is and always will be my first priority, but sometimes at a cost to other priorities in my life. As hard as I try to do my best, and be my best at all things, I falter. Exhaustion overwhelms me, and affects my sleep. I struggle to shut my mind down and stress about what is missed and what is not being done the way I would like it to be. I am always trying to prioritize what is most important day by day, but sometimes my plans do not succeed. I may reconsider my role in the IHC next year, as I don’t want to be the fractured wheel, a disappointment to my team, school and instructors, or to myself. That does not mean to quit, there is no quit. But it may mean I need to reprioritize for the time being. I need to make changes in several factors, spend more time on what is really important. My family, my health both physical and mental well being. Having Kung Fu in my life is one of the ways to provide the benefits, I am just not sure at what capacity it will be for next year. Life is finite, and we need to make the best of what we have. I have always done my best to live a life of Mastery, even before SRKF, it just wasn’t specified as Mastery before.
With changes in anything, there will be adjustments to provide the best outcomes. Changing something is meant to provide positive outcomes for everyone and everything involved. While I consider change in my life in several areas, I must still remember what is important and why. My job is not going way for the foreseeable future, and at my age, changing careers is not necessarily an option. I love what I do, but I need to find a way for it not be so all consuming.
So, Where am I? Giving 100% to the best of my ability, and struggling on all fronts. What am I Doing? Reflecting on the future changes I’m considering, and weighing very carefully the benefits, or negative impacts of such change.
I apologize for the long winded blog today. My numbers this past week are low as well.
Push ups- 15,400
Sit ups and equivalent time with plank - 15,800
Form reps - Hand 418 Weapon 216
AOK’s - 428
Sparring - 360
KM’s - 767
Blogs - 22
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