I AM Blessed

 

As I sit here with my mom as she naps, I feel Blessed. This may seem strange with the condition she is in, but I feel so grateful for her. 

My first teacher, my first and always best friend, my confidant, my keeper of secrets, my hero. My mom taught me the values to be who I am today. She not only taught me but showed me. She lived her life helping others, an avid volunteer, and being there for anyone who was in need. A wonderful mother, wife, friend, and human being. Even in the tough teenage years, she never gave up on me, always there to lean on, and help me through.  Showing me that those tough times would make me a better person. She taught me to not give up, and that I could do anything I set my mind to do. She taught me that it wouldn’t always be easy, but the best rewards never are. She was beyond proud when I joined SRKF at 40 years old. You could see the look in her eyes of being proud, and her job done well. She gave me the foundation to be nurtured with Kung Fu. It is because of her and SRKF that has helped me get through the tough last few years, to be grateful, and to feel blessed. 

She gave me confidence to raise my children as she raised me. To pass that confidence to my children to have high values, be good people, and raise their children the same way. She showed me the value of sharing my life with another, being a good wife, taught me to compromise, and love deeply. 

The image above is something my daughter bought me years ago. Full circle. 

This disease has taken so much, but I am grateful for everything she taught, and is still teaching me. Although this disease has taken, it has also taught the value of life. One of the few things she says that can be understood is I Love You. Loud and clear. The brain works in mysterious ways. Or does it? Yes I am very Blessed. 

Nervous Excitement

 As another fitness test is fast approaching, I am finding myself very nervous about this one. I feel as though my scale has slid, and I know I am not where I need to be. Being sick took a lot out of me, and I’m not yet where I was with my fitness level. I will still give everything I’ve got, and will continue to to train to progress and reach new heights. I am excited to be on this journey, and to keep working towards the best me. 

As I write this I feel a guilt for how I am feeling, as compared to what some others are going through, this is such a minor setback. We all struggle in different ways, and at different times. Mastery teaches us to not give up, and to continue to push through and progress. 

You see, we are all ordinary. But a master, rather than condemning himself for his “ordinariness”, will embrace it and use it as a foundation for building the extraordinary.

Slowly but Surely

 It has been a slow progress week, but some progress nonetheless. I’m on day 3 without feeling nauseous, so that is a win. I’ve had to adapt day to day, depending on how my body is feeling, but I am always looking for an opportunity to take advantage of. 

In class this morning a question I had was answered in a way that made absolute sense, and finally made a new technique click for me. I love these moments. I’ve been struggling with one of the moves in the new stick bow we have learned. Part of the issue was I have only had a video and online class to learn this new bow, and I was struggling with that. I was  trying to replicate the move I was seeing, but not having much success. This is the power of recognizing if something is not feeling right, I believe. I’ve been working at it, but just not able to make it feel right, and feel like it looked being demonstrated. So I asked the question. Now with the answer, and some practice it is already ‘feeling’ much better, and feeling more comfortable. 

There is always going to be something we may not be able to figure out on our own. But we must try, and we must look for guidance. This is part of growing, and learning, which we should always be striving for. We are very fortunate for the people we have all around us. We need to reach out and be willing to absorb their guidance, expertise, and knowledge. They are right there, and very willing to share. Thank you! 

Getting Back on Track

 It has been a bit of a struggle this past week. It has proved to be a little difficult to get back to my usual training regime. I believe this is caused mainly by a couple of factors. 

Firstly, I am feeling much better, but have had several off and on days with being nauseated. I do not like this feeling at all, and it brings training to almost a stand still. I am really hoping this isn’t a ‘long COVID’ symptom, and it’s just working itself out of my body. Secondly, I’m not back to live class quite yet, and I’m hoping this will bring further positivity to how I am feeling, once I can get back. 

As I said in class last week, I always thought that I would feel a ‘fear’ factor if I tested positive. I didn’t, which surprised me a little. Maybe because this has been going on for so long, it just felt inevitable. What I wasn’t prepared for was the ongoing guilt I feel. I brought it home, I passed it to Don. He has fully recovered, and I mostly, but it is still really bothering me. Maybe this is something that will take time to process as well. Until then, I will carry on, adjust as I need to, and hopefully progress. 

COVID has hit

 This past week has been full of adjustments. I tested positive for COVID on Thursday, Wednesday was negative. Starting not feeling well on Tuesday. My training has been adjusted as to how I was feeling each day. Each day has seemed to bring on a new symptom, with the previous symptoms lingering. Today brings the symptoms I seemed to have started with. Full circle? I am hoping for an end in sight.

I’m fortunate that I have padded my required numbers quite well, so feeling not well this week and having lower numbers should not put me behind. I’ve had to adjust my regular interval sets of 25 to 10-15 depending how I’m feeling. As my energy level was quite low, classes attended virtually were spent mindfully taking stock of new techniques being learned to physically practice at a later date. 

It’s been a bit of a whirlwind of symptoms. Fever, headache, chest congestion, sinus cold, gastrointestinal, vertigo and being nauseous. I can’t remember the last time I’ve not left my house in this long. I’ve been working from home, and resting as much as possible. I’ve been fortunate for two and half years, working with the public from day 1, but I suppose it was only a matter of time. Here’s hoping that by next week, this is a fading memory, and I don’t pass this on to the rest of my family. So far they are negative, and my hope is that is how it stays. Hope to see you all soon! Stay well! 

Teamwork

I had the opportunity to join in with others for a Team form for the Tiger challenge this year. This is the first time I have done this outside of a team of my family members. It has been nothing short of an amazing experience. 

Today was the first time we all were able to practice together, with the full team. We have practiced in smaller groups, but not all together until today. It is so interesting to see everyone doing the same thing, but everyone bringing their own feeling, and movement to the form, therefore the difference it brings. 

We worked together, shared ideas, and practiced to see what would work, and changed what didn’t. I am excited to see where this takes us, and to see our finished product. It was a great afternoon, spent with great people. Thanks team!

Kung Fu Everyday

 I love this statement. There is always Kung Fu, even if there is not a formal class to attend. This statement to me does not only mean the physical aspect of this martial art. 

I do my best to live as a Black Belt everyday, every minute. Respect, empathy, honesty in every interaction. No, I am not a Black Belt, but that does not mean I cannot do my best to live my life as one would. Today, I had an interaction with a long time client who made me realize that I faltered in living this way. 

Now, I’m obviously not going to share any personal information, but I will explain the situation as best I can. I have had a relationship with these clients for several years, and therefore have been through many life situations with them. Because of this, we are very comfortable with each other, and know each other very well. 

A few months ago, they came to me with a situation they were looking for a solution to. We had a good discussion, spoke about possible resolutions and outcomes. I also further went on to discuss the future, once past this current situation. Some time went by, and I hadn’t heard back from them, so I followed up to check in, and see if they wanted to proceed with anything. The answer I received back was that it was taken care of. I left it at that, and felt if they had questions or wanted to proceed , they would let me know. 

Today, I returned a call back to them, and found out a very different situation had progressed without me knowing, or noticing. She proceeded to tell me that the last time we spoke, she felt I was lecturing, and not helping. Therefore making their rough situation worse. They decided to go and see someone else to help them. I felt awful. I thought back to the original conversation, and still couldn’t quite figure out where it went wrong. Through the discussion it became clear. I was not being very empathic, and trying to jump ahead to how this situation could be avoided in the future, instead of providing empathy and guidance for the current situation. This in turn made them feel at fault in what was happening, and made them feel worse. 

I immediately apologized for my insensitivity , and advised it was not at all my intention. We spoke for quite a while, and she said she knew that it was not my intention, but I still made her feel that way. 

Unfortunately the other person that helped them did not work out very well either, and she did call me to see if I could now help this situation. This she stated, is because of our history and long time relationship. 

This really made me realize that even with our best intentions, it may not be as receptive as we may think. I need to put myself in their shoes, and not worry about next steps so quickly, but rather try to help resolve what is happening now. I did not provide the empathy needed based on our history together. The original situation was not being a black belt, but owning up to my mistakes, and facing the situation today, I feel is the way a black belt would. I am human, I make mistakes, and will continue to. Being a black belt is learning and growing from those mistakes. Although I am not happy that the original situation happened, I am happy that this client called me today, and we were able to resolve the not so good situation, and…. Move forward. People need different things at different times. Certain situations may cause different reactions. I need to be better, and remove assumptions. Learning and growing, always.