Relief or Panic

 Well to be honest, a little of both actually. The Date looms. The date is set for grading. Am I prepared, has my year gone as planned? 

Of course it hasn’t gone as planned, but I think it rarely does. I think what is important is how I’ve dealt with it this year. Instead of panicking about what wasn’t going as planned, I chose to adjust, and reevaluate. I don’t know why I had the expectation of it being any different, as that is what life is about. Did I do everything right, or as exactly as I had planned to get it done? No. Some things cannot be foreseen, or planned for. Injury, sickness, family, work and countless other things that I didn’t expect of course.

I’ve had to adjust to what life threw at me. I don’t always choose the best way to do that, but I do my best to learn from my mistakes. And sometimes it takes a few tries to get on the right path again. But I always work to get back on that path. 

One of the plans this year was to not miss a week of blogging. Failed. Although, it has been a better year than my past years, excuses came up. Yes, excuses is exactly what they were. I could have found 10 minutes here and there to do it. So, no excuse, a fail. Reevaluate, and do better. Content of my blogs is another area I am struggling greatly with. I don’t know how to change how to put in words what I am feeling, and how to express where I am at. Reevaluate and continue to work at it. 

Relief may not be the right word. When I joined Kung Fu, it didn’t even cross my mind that I would even be worried about a grading for my black belt day, and yet, here I am. This has been a journey, and the journey will continue as long as I am able. There will always be adjustments, failures, and evaluation. There will also be positives, wins, and there will always be something for me to learn. 

Grading day is another opportunity, no matter what the day brings. 100% is my expectation, nothing less. 

The Great Divide

 Okay, the title may be a bit dramatic, and this blog is about exactly the oppposite. It has been a busy couple of weeks with Kung Fu. 

The reason for the Title has to do with not dividing Kung Fu and everyday life. We had our 3rd fitness assessment the Saturday before last. While there is times I still struggle with not separating the fitness assessment with the whole of Kung Fu, I feel I have had more success this year. I am training to sustain, not for a fitness assessment. My fitness needs to be sustainable throughout. My fitness, and my life as a whole. It is not one or the other, it is one in the same. 

Our fitness assessment is a way to gauge where we are at. To see where adjustments may need to be made. It is not to completely change the course of how you train. My training at this point should be serving me as a whole. While I still have a ways to go for the benchmark, I was still fairly happy with the outcome. The last fitness assessment was 3 weeks after I had COVID, and it definitely reflected. I am back at a positive progression. 

We also had back to school week last week. This is an opportunity to make the Kwoon more a part of me. I do renos and upgrades around my own home, and make it somewhere I am proud to be. There is no difference to me at the Kwoon. I have the opportunity every year to provide my own care and attention to the Kwoon, and this year was no different. Every year provides a new project, and every year I enjoy being a part of it. 

No Division. 

Respecting the Bow

 Do you know why you bow when you enter and leave the mats at the Kwoon, or when you start and finish your class?

For me, it is to not only to show my respect, but to also open my mind, and heart. I am thankful for the opportunity to be there. I am thankful for the people around me, the people that came before me, and the space provided to me to practice this martial art. 

I think most importantly for me it is to allow my mind to be open, and to accept what is being given to me. The knowledge, the tools, and the opportunity to become a better person. To have a healthier lifestyle. But is up to only me, to make good use of all that is offered. As soon as I pull into the parking lot, I feel a sense of peace. I open the door, and everything I bring with me stays on the other side of the door when I enter. My mind is free, and my heart is open. 

It does not start and end in the Kwoon for me. It is always with me, in everything I do, and in every interaction I have. Of course there is always pressure points, and stresses with life, but the gifts of the Kwoon, and people within stay with me, and help to guide me. 

Mindset

I feel that I not only have learned some positive outcomes on this last bit of my journey, but also realized I had lost my direction of Where am I, and What am I Doing. Some of the highlights of my reflections - 

- This is not a destination, it is a journey

- It will not end with a color of belt around my waist

- I need to continually remind myself of why I choose to be on this journey

- There will always be times of turbulence 

- I believe these are the most important times to take stock, reflect, reset and sometimes that means to begin anew

- A new day, a new opportunity 

- Another chance to be thankful

- I am but a small cog in the corporate wheel

- I do love what I do professionally, I believe I bring value, and I do help to make peoples lives a little better

- it is also not worth the expense of me

- I know priorities will always be shifting slightly, but I need to keep those priorities in check as well

- I only have one shot at this life, and I want to give it my best for me, not to a corporate world that will simply replace me when I am gone

A part of my journey that continues to teach me valuable lessons. Always grateful. 

Mindset Part 2

I’m not sure why I am doing these blogs in parts really, as I think my mindset is always the number one factor in everything I do. But nonetheless, this is a certain track I am following at the moment, in a time of struggle. 

Since my last blog, training has improved somewhat. Not where I would ideally like to be, but not as stressed out as I was. One of the main reasons for this is reaching out, and doing a one on one. This helped me immensely as when I actually speak the words of how I’m feeling, it seems to take the power away from the negativity. It also helps to know, and be told that I am not alone, it is not the first time, and it won’t be the last. I do know this, but when you are in that bubble of stress, common sense tends not to be forefront. 

Probably the one comment that was made towards the end of my one on one, resonated the most with me. I didn’t even mention my mom as part of my struggles and stress points at this time. This really made me reflect on this, as of course this has not been an easy journey. My response was that it is part of my everyday life now, therefore for the most part it just is. I have learned to flow with it. I’ve learned to adjust when needed, and to remain positive, even though I know there is not going to be improvement. Sure, there are points of pressure, change, and higher stress times, but it is expected, and I simply adapt to what is needed at the time. Yes, there are struggles, but they don’t seem to throw off my entire schedule for the most part.

Why then, am I struggling so much right now? Yes, work is a different stress, but I also know that it is something that is always going to be there. For the foreseeable future anyway. I have reflected a lot on this in the last couple of weeks. I have made improvements, and it seems to be working well. I will leave this for part 3 of my trilogy, so as not to ramble on too mich. 

Mental Mindset Part 1

 I have been struggling as of late. Well to be honest with myself, for the last couple of months. I am mentally exhausted. Mainly caused by work. To give you a bit of an idea, I am the only mortgage lender in my branch at the moment, and have been for the last year almost. My branch is currently at 294% (no decimal there!) with the mortgage target for the year. I am also training someone, and I believe she may account for about 5% of that number. It will be great to have a partner to help with this, but training also takes time. 

So essentially by the time my workday (10-11 hour day) is done, the tank is running on fumes at best. This also doesn’t include the ‘off’ hours spent working. I am struggling with this for the main reason that my kung fu is suffering. I don’t feel like I am training as I should, or most certainly want to be. It is adding extra anxiety for the black belt grading. Where am I? What am I doing? are questions that have dissappointing answers for me when it comes to my kung fu at the moment. To keep from going completely under, I have set small check ins periodically to keep me on track with my numbers, but the extra training is almost non existent. And this stresses me out! 

My mind feels like a carousel at warp speed for most of the day, and then a hard stop to fling me off, and leave me lying on the ground trying desperately to catch my breath. Okay, maybe a bit dramatic, but the best way I can describe it at the moment. 

The first step in correcting this was doing a one on one. The second is blogging about it, and acknowledging where I am at. And the third is to do something about it. Now, my job pays the bills, so it won’t go away; but I believe there is a way to eliminate some of this stress. It will be a process, it won’t change overnight, but I have to start somewhere right? 

Part 2, and possibly more to follow so this blog isn’t 12 pages long! 

Demo and Tiger Challenge 2022

 I started a blog last week about the demo and got side tracked and didnt get back to it, my apologies.

The first public Demo in more than 2 years! It was fanatastic! Not only is it a different way to bring the team together, but I find it renews the energy in the year. We put a dragon dance together in a very short period of time, and allowed for a starting point to continue to train with the dragon. The crowd was great, and everyone did an amazing job! 

Also the first Tiger Challenge in more than 2 years! It’s been such a great couple of weeks. The TC was so much fun, and you could feed off the energy in the room. Everyone performed and competed wonderfully, and of course the obstacle course and pool noodle fight didn’t disappoint. My cheeks were sore from laughing so much! This year was a bit of an extra challenge due to being postponed, and some not being able to attend, but all in all I think it was amazing. Congratulations to all!

Due to the date change, my team form had to be adjusted from the original version, as a couple couldn’t make the new date. We were adjusting up to the night before due to uncontrollable circumstances. We ended up a team of 2, instead of the original 5. We certainly missed having the others there, but it also once again taught me about pivoting, making adjustments, and making it work in a different way. Even though they couldn’t make it, they continued to train with us, and still cheered us on from afar. Even the day of, they were sending in positive vibes and well wishes. This is one of the great benefits of getting together with teammates that you may not normally work with. It allows you to expand your comfort zone, and feed off the energy and knowledge of others. So thank you to all of you, it definitely made my day, and the last couple of months wonderful to work with you all! I’m looking forward to next year already! 

A special thank you to all that worked so hard to make the day happen, I’m sure it wasn’t  easy with all of the continuous changes, but once again you made it seem seamless, and fun was had by all. Thank you to all of you for your hard work, and dedication to make days like this happen.